Thursday, October 06, 2005

Morning Epiphany

God had really opened my eyes to something this morning. It hit me like a brick in the face.

Lately I have been having problems with my husband and our communication. Toward me he has been really bitter and coldhearted. I have been wondering, why has he been acting like this? He no longer acts the way he used to; sweet kisses for no reason, going out of his way to do things for me, saying "I love you" out of the blue. I have been praying about this and trying not to let it anger me, even though it has.

And then this morning while riding to work, I was spiritually grabbed until my eyes were shaken open. I realized how hurtful I am with my words. Whenever I am angry, and me and my husband fight, I would allow myself to get into the flesh and say the most hurtful things. Later I would repent to God and apologize to my husband, but I realized that that wasn't good enough that my words have had a lasting effect. I realized the worst of our problems began after we had got into the most awful fight. We made up, but I believe that the things I said are still with him.

All I can do now is pray that my husband is healed from it. We as women tend to blame our husbands for our marriages going sour but we have to realize that sometimes it's us . We need to look at ourselves and ask, what have we done and what can we do to go about things differently in our marriage? I praise God for this insight. I can't wait to go home tonight and tell my husband all about this. I know that no amount of words can make up for the hurt I caused but I can ask God to change me.

"Death and Life are in the power of the tongue.." Psalm 18:21


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George said...

Telika -- be sure to apologize, even if the blame should rightfully be shared. A sincere, un-compromised apol;ogy can do a lot to aid healing.

Telika said...

Thank you George, I do apologize as I mentioned, and I repent but I found that the apology doesn't take away the effect that it left.

Eddie said...

Please pray that God would give my wife the same revelation(seriously).

Telika said...

eddie the best thing that you can do is open up and tell her. I know it is hard for men but you need to say, hey i didn't like that you said such and such. Do it after you two have cooled down and made up. Also pray together. Be sure to mention your faults and you both pray about both of your faults together that does wonders. I will pray for the both of you.

Kathy said...

Again, your words touched my heart. I had a similar revelation just this past weekend. It was a painful thing to realilze I was the problem and that my behavior transends just this weekend.
I did apologize to my husband, in writing (because that's what I do best) and we talked it out and came up with a plan for our own situation.
I think your idea for apologizing
AND sharing your revelation is a good way to go. I will pray for you both.