God had really opened my eyes to something this morning. It hit me like a brick in the face.
Lately I have been having problems with my husband and our communication. Toward me he has been really bitter and coldhearted. I have been wondering, why has he been acting like this? He no longer acts the way he used to; sweet kisses for no reason, going out of his way to do things for me, saying "I love you" out of the blue. I have been praying about this and trying not to let it anger me, even though it has.
And then this morning while riding to work, I was spiritually grabbed until my eyes were shaken open. I realized how hurtful I am with my words. Whenever I am angry, and me and my husband fight, I would allow myself to get into the flesh and say the most hurtful things. Later I would repent to God and apologize to my husband, but I realized that that wasn't good enough that my words have had a lasting effect. I realized the worst of our problems began after we had got into the most awful fight. We made up, but I believe that the things I said are still with him.
All I can do now is pray that my husband is healed from it. We as women tend to blame our husbands for our marriages going sour but we have to realize that sometimes it's us . We need to look at ourselves and ask, what have we done and what can we do to go about things differently in our marriage? I praise God for this insight. I can't wait to go home tonight and tell my husband all about this. I know that no amount of words can make up for the hurt I caused but I can ask God to change me.
"Death and Life are in the power of the tongue.." Psalm 18:21