Wednesday, August 10, 2005

My Uphill battle

Someone's prescence has always been what I needed around me at all times. I hated to be alone. I loved God and knew He was there but I still felt like I needed to feel someone there, I needed someone to hold me and actually tell me that it was okay. I needed this so much, that that was the main reason for my marriage, so I could always have someone around me.

Well as you propably predicted that wasn't always the case. I had problems the first couple years of my marriage because I wanted my husband to always be around me. Talk to me, read with me, lay next to me, coddle me, hug me, be with me! You know that drove him crazy. and there were fights. I felt an empty pit in my stomach everytime he would leave. He eventually got so sick of me he would leave for hours and hours. Sometimes he would only come back to greet me and that was it. I was so miserable, I covered myself in depression and despair.

I would pray and go to church and I would always hear, God is with you. You don't need anyone else but Him. But it didn't sink in properly. I would read the Bible but I always felt so cold. Then one day I let go. I said, "God you are here and that's all that matters! You love me and that's all that matters!" I said it with conviction and faith. I stop listening to the flesh tell me, yes He's here but He's so far away... I started listening to the Holy spirit. When I read the Bible I evisioned God talking right to me. I thanked Him and praised Him for being there with me. I truly believed He was first in my life and nothing else matters. I immediately felt His prescence, I felt His arms wrapped lovingly around me.

Today, I can't say that I sometimes don't feel bad when my husband leaves or my children is gone with their grandparents. But the feeling doesn't last long because I stop and lift my Father up in praise and I talk to Him and know that He is there always.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

thank you for the blog. It has been an inspiration and I will keep reading it and refer it to others. Keep up the good work.

Telika said...

thank you so much! Your referrals will be a blessing

Peter said...

I had problems the first couple years of my marriage because I wanted my husband to always be around me. Talk to me, read with me, lay next to me, coddle me, hug me, be with me! You know that drove him crazy. and there were fights. I felt an empty pit in my stomach everytime he would leave. He eventually got so sick of me he would leave for hours and hours. Sometimes he would only come back to greet me and that was it. I was so miserable, I covered myself in depression and despair.

I can really relate to this - my wife and I are going through a situation like this right now. She wants to be together every waking moment - cuddling,talking, etc. I am an introvert and this has been causing problems. Thank you for your post, and insight into my own situation.. God bless.

Telika said...

Peter, please let your wife know how God is there for her whenever she needs companionship and you don't forget to love her the way God loves the church